This Most Awesome Gift

I’m not even sure that I can do it justice, but I want so much to be able to describe this most awesome gift that I’ve been given.  Each time I look at it, feel it, think of it, I am overwhelmed with such joy and awe and gratitude that sometimes I feel that I might just burst into tears.  (Damn these silly hormones!) Still…this gift is so precious and such a treasure that there HAS to be a way I can describe it to you and make others understand just how very, very fortunate I am.


At first when it was given to me, I took it for granted and didn’t really think it was all that important—I mean—I looked around and saw that everyone seemed to have this same gift that I had been given—just different variations of it.  I didn’t come to truly appreciate the value of it until my 5th decade and then suddenly, its value just skyrocketed and I realize now that all along this was the most awesome gift, the most precious treasure I’d ever held in my grasp.  I remember a few times when I damn near let it slip out of my possession—thought many times of just throwing this gift away—what good was it anyway?  Even though I took it with me everywhere I went and hauled it around with every move I made from state to state, sometimes it felt like it was just too burdensome to carry.  Sometimes I even thought it was plain worthless—who needs something that everyone else has anyway?  


And then along came this Christmas/Holiday Season.  For the first time in years, I have almost no money to spend on those I truly love and cherish in my life and I was wondering how on earth I could give them something special so that they would all know how very much I love them and care…


And then I remembered my original gift that I’ve had all these years.  It is something so precious and so valuable that why not just share it?  I mean, why be selfish with something that can be treasured and loved and held dear by all those who I hold dear?  I realize now that I don’t even have to wait for the Holiday Season to share it—I can share it with anyone and everyone that cares to be included and especially with those that I love dearly.


This gift?  It is my life.  My heart.  My time and the knowledge and experience that I’m gaining with each new day.  I can share this gift by just being ME, by being true to myself, by being the loving, giving, caring soul that I have always been.  I do not need fancy, expensive, store bought presents to give out—I can give out pieces of my life, an abundance of love from my heart, and my time to those who are in need, who truly want and desire a precious bit of truth and love.  


And best of all?  This gift will last into eternity, because with each piece of my heart, my life, my time that I share, a tiny bit stays with those who I reach out to share with and they in turn will share their gifts and before long, this most awesome gift will be seen, felt, held and experienced by all who care to share and become a part of this huge, huge gift that we call LIFE.


Now, how awesome is THAT????


Life Is GOOD.

Lonely/Alone

Sometimes, just sometimes
I feel so alone.
Yes,
I know there are many
who love me and care.
But still--
I am a creature 
who aches to be held,
to be touched,
to feel.


Just lonely
sometimes.
But I imagine
so many others
in this world
are just as lonely 
as I am this day.


Even so,
as lonely as I feel now--
I still do not feel
as completely Alone
as I did 
those years ago
whenever we were "we"
and he lived below
and I above
in the same house.
Together
yet so very 
apart.


Such a sad
existence.
Strange...
I don't feel so
lonely 
anymore.
I'm just alone
and sometimes
that's okay.
#

Drugs Kill Dreams

I don't really understand everything about drug addiction.  All I really know is that it does so much harm to the one who is truly addicted and to those who love and cherish the one who is abusing drugs.  


And what if that person who is so dependent and in need of a fix has children that are being neglected?


My heart breaks for all involved and I find myself turning to prayer and to a higher source to help with this most awful dilemma.  All I know is that somehow, someway, this lost soul who is destroying her life and so many others around her has to find a way back to her dreams.  Not so long ago I know she had a dream of being not only a good mother, but someone who made a difference and was a productive member of our society. It's not too late if somehow we can find a way to help her break free.  


I plead with my higher source, my angels, my spirit guides to intervene and help all who love her to find a way to pull her away from the edge and to help her find joy without the use (and abuse) of drugs.

Love and Kindness

Would that this world,
my world, our world
would all come together
with the mind and heart
to give from within
our hearts and souls--
to share, to love, to indulge
in humanity and kindness
to climb the mountains of doubt
and mistrust and then
to conquer
the chains of hatred and greed
and corruptness.


Would that our world
in which all of mankind inhabits--
we each 
could just stop, take the time
to give, to share, to enjoy 
to bless others we meet
with kindness, understanding 
and warmth
from our hearts and souls.


I will never ever give up.
I will never ever stop hoping
that one day, 
one beautiful, very fine day
humanity will learn
to be humane and kind and true.


It can happen.
It can start with me,
It can start with you.
It CAN happen.


Kindness. Love. Caring.
Sharing.  


Blessed be.

One Day...

When my time comes
to leave 
this great earth of ours
my spirit will soar
with the exuberance and joy
that lives inside of me--
for in leaving this earth
I know 
that I will again
be free.

Free to love,
to give,
to experience the depth
of a life beyond
what I am able now
to comprehend.
My spirit, my soul
will know no beginning,
will know 
no end...

For in leaving 
this mortal life 
of the here and now
I will be entering 
a much greater and wider realm
of the love and acceptance and truth
that I have always yearned to find,
always tried so very hard to see--
Once gone 
from this life
I will at last, at last
be allowed, be given the gift
of  just being ME.

Yes, one day...

It's a Promise (to Me)

So often I strive for this.
Promising myself to be strong,
trying to let NOTHING 
disturb my peace of mind
looking at the sunny side of things
thinking only of the best
and working only for the best
and so often yes,
I do expect the very best...


But maintaining
optimism is so very hard
at times...


Still...
One has to strive 
to never give up,
to never give in
to the pessimism 
that lurks around
every bend.


I can do this!
I can win!
I can BELIEVE
and I can start 
all over again--
I WILL be Strong!
I WILL Look at the Sunny Side of Everything!
I WILL think only of the BEST
and I WILL
EXPECT 
all kinds of 
GOOD AND WONDERFUL
events to take place,
all kinds of 
BEAUTY 
to enter into my world
all kinds of 
WONDER and JOY
to surround me.


See???
I will Never Ever Ever
Give up
(on me).


###

Leaving My Tracks...

            Oh how I hope that I leave GOOD tracks.  I aim to.
I mean, I want to, I plan to--but will I?
I just want those who know and love me 
who live beyond the years that I am
allowed to live...
            I just want all of you dear, cherished souls
to know this:
I truly, truly intended to leave good tracks--
but the big question is:
Did I?
Will I?
           My plan--
to live the best life I can,
to give as much love and friendship
and GOODNESS
as I can
and if that is not enough
in this life time--
then by golly,
I'll come back
as someone else
and do it all again!
          But no matter what,
no matter when--
my goal,
my plan 
in the here and now
(and yes, even in the beyond)
is to be the very, very best
person
that I possibly can.
          That's not too much to hope for,
is it?
That's not too lofty of a goal,
is it?
          I just want so very much
to leave GOOD tracks
in my wake
to make sure that those who knew me,
who loved me, who truly cared
will see beyond any doubt
that I truly, truly meant
to do my best--
to be the best that I knew to be--
to give every ounce, every little bit
of what is GOOD
from the inside of me...
          So, if it's true
that we will be known forever
by the tracks we leave...
          I hope, I pray, I wish
that my tracks 
will lead to better understanding,
better love for our fellow man
and a true kinship 
with all 
on this beautiful planet
of ours.
          That's just me...
leaving my tracks...
do you see?
          I hope so.
###

My Gratitude For Him

There is so very much gratitude living inside of me!  The gratitude that somehow my angels, my spirit guides KNEW that the day would come when I would need to know, to see, to be with my very first true love.  Feeling his warmth, his love, his truth, his sincerity has given me the gift of knowing without doubt that Mankind is truly good.  My beautiful love, my Blue Eyed first love is still the very same, still so very much who he always proclaimed to be and I am forever grateful and so very, very blessed to be able to see him, touch him, feel him and know him these many years later...


His smile still dazzles, his eyes still sparkle and shine and his hugs and his touch are still just as beautiful and awesome as I remember.  His depth of love for me is real, just as mine is for him.  We have grown and yet, we have remained the same.  How can it be???  How is it that this beautiful first love of mine is still the awesomely wonderful and romantic and REAL person that I always knew him to be those many, many years ago?  


This gratitude I feel is like a most precious gift.  How can I not unwrap it and marvel at its splendor and magnificence?  How can I not rejoice in this beautiful gift of his love--of my love for him?  All I know is that I feel blessed beyond measure and that I owe a depth of thanks and gratitude to our spirit guides, our angels, the dear, sweet Universe who endeavored in our favor to make sure we connected once again.


Life is more poignant and real now that he is here in my realm of existence once again.  


And oh my god, those beautiful blue eyes of his--that wondrous smile--the beat of his heart, his touch, his warmth--all tell me that yes, yes, yes I belong on this earth--if only to get to feel his love, his warmth, his touch, and see his smile again and again.


Gratitude is abundant from my heart.  Please.  Help me to convey how glad I am he is here.  Please?  I love him. I love him. I love him.  Thank you, dear Universe!


#

Take Time To Be Kind

Have you ever noticed how good it makes you feel whenever you do something nice for someone else?  
Just imagine all of the warm, fuzzy vibes floating through our Universe if only all of us would take a few moments each day to pass along a kind act to those we meet.  
If people would stop being so self centered and self absorbed in their problems and their perceived worries, and focus on trying to bring JOY to others and to give a true smile, a genuine offer of help or comfort -- this world would definitely be a better place.  


I've seen it, I've felt it.  Doing good for others is like unwrapping a beautiful gift that you've given yourself.  I honestly believe that kindness is contagious. If all of humanity would strive to be kinder and more compassionate and less self centered I know that our world would begin to change for the good.  


What will it take, I wonder to get folks to try harder to be giving and kind?  What will it take to vanquish GREED and SELFISHNESS and to get human kind to realize that treating others with KINDNESS, RESPECT and LOVE is a gift we can all enjoy and appreciate and "profit" from? 


I'm not giving up on this.  I know that Kindness and Caring and Love for my fellow man is the answer to the many problems facing our world today.  If all people would stop and just look around and strive to bring a gift of sunshine and warmth to those they share this life with--miraculous things would begin to happen and goodness and wonder would replace so much of the awfulness we see and hear about each and every day.

Please.  Take a moment to care about others.  Take a moment to give the gift of a smile to those you meet along your way and especially, take the time to be KIND.  

Our Gift

Sometimes whenever I am seeking wisdom

Sometimes whenever I need to quiet my soul

I turn to Nature's beauty.

To my constant amazement and surprise

always I am able to find

something that soothes this weary soul

of mine

something that is a true delight

to my eyes--

(to all of my senses!) 

Nature.  Our greatest gift.

What did I ever do

to deserve such a precious and wondrous gift?

I will cherish it always.

Nature--not just my gift

but a gift for all.

Won't you join with me

in treasuring this precious and most awesome gift?

#

Life's Echo

No doubt that it's true.  So many times I've noticed that whatever "vibe" or "hope" or "wish" I am sending out often reflects back to me--just like an echo when you're throwing your voice out to the Universe.  No doubt that the universe hears our every hope, our every wish, our every desire.  

"Be very careful what you wish for." my mother used to say wisely.  And perhaps she knew that so often wishes do come true.  Especially those that we focus on and want from our inner core.  Wishes are so powerful and I'm learning that if you frame your wish in a positive light and begin to think of it as already true--it is far more likely to happen.  

At one point in my life I did indeed harness the power of the "Wish" and it served me well--but of late (these last few years) I've found myself losing focus and forgetting just how to make it all work. I do know and remember this though:   Angst and anxiety cannot be included in the equation when making your wish.  True belief and knowing is what must be paramount and I am ashamed to say that I have been guilty of being caught up in the negativity of worry and forgetting to frame my wishes with positive light and the true knowing that they will come true.  Another thing I know is that you must be certain that what you wish for is what you want.  Once that desire is heartfelt and given to the Universe, it truly begins to bring it to fruition, to bring to you your hearts' desire.  But do be careful--for whenever you change that desire, the Universe will set about working on what you are presently hoping, wishing, focusing for and will abandon that which you have abandoned.

Too often in my life I have watched in awe as my wishes and hopes have unfolded before my very eyes.  I know I have the power to make all of my wishes, hopes and dreams to come true--but my first order of business is to make SURE that I truly KNOW exactly what it is that I want.  Once the desire is clearly defined, there is no stopping the attainment--it then just becomes a matter of time.

The Chinese Proverb, "Life is an Echo; What you send out comes back" Is all too true.  Now go out and use your "echo" wisely.  

Blessings to All!

The Color Purple

There is just something so beautiful about the color purple.  When I was a little girl I used to think that purple meant abundance and wealth and magnificent beauty.  I would imagine growing up one day and having purple surround me.  I think it all began whenever I saw a painting at a neighbor's house--a beautiful purple rose hanging on her bedroom wall.  She told me that it stood for beauty and wealth and grace.  I wish I had thought to ask her to elaborate, but I was always so drawn to that beautiful, life-like painting of the purple rose and often marveled at its beauty and imagined being surrounded by purple one day.  Then I grew up and my desire for purple seemed to just get lost somewhere along the way.  Yet still, whenever I run across the color purple I have to stop and catch my breath.  Purple says so much to me--love, warmth, beauty, grace, wealth and comfort.

Yes, I guess you can say, I still love the color purple and most likely I always will.

Dreams...

But sometimes the night is nice too.  I love my dreams that come whenever I am asleep.  I never know who I might get to see there.

Last night it was my dad.

Loved seeing him again and being able to chat awhile.

He told me something--

said it was important.

"Olivia Post." he said with reverence.  "It's time to take your trash out to the curb."

"But dad--the container is only half full--it can wait til next time." was my reply.

"Oliva.  You need to get this trash out of here now.  Just do it.  You've always been an expert procrastinator.  So take care of it, then next week you can deal with other things instead of this." says my dad.

I sigh heavily.

"Fine! Just to please you, I'll take the damn trash out to the curb!" I say in a huff!

And he smiles and helps me.  Though the container is only half full, it weighs far more than I expected and my dad offers his help with a smile.  I gladly accept.  When the container is placed in its spot at the curb I look at dad and smile.  "Thanks, dad--not just for this, but for all of your help.  I do love you, you know."

"I know you do, Olivia.  I love you too.  Hey--I'm sorry I wasn't a better dad when I was alive.  I do miss you, you know." he says with a sad look on his face.

"I miss you too, daddy."  I reply.  Then, "Dad?  Am I going to be okay?   Should I stay here and stick this out or should I go?  I miss you and Mom so much!"

Dad replies:  "Stay now.  It's not your time yet--but when it is, your Mom and I are here.  We never ever forget you, Olivia.  You are precious.  Remember that."

"But I'm scared, dad." I implore--(why won't he hug me? I wonder).

"Don't be afraid.  You've got a lot to get done.  Getting the trash out was only the beginning.  Now go back in there and live your life and next time I see you, I want to hear all about what you've done.  I have to go now.  I love you.  Your Mom does too.  She'll drop by soon." says my dad.

I watch as he walks away.  Tears glide down my face.  Why didn't he stay?  So much I wanted to ask him, tell him, share with him.  But he left...again.

And then I woke up.

I do have alot to get done.  But the question is, will I have the stamina and courage and the drive to get it all done?  I sure hope so.

Loved seeing my dad in my dreams...

Hope

There is always hope.  Even on my darkest days, I find myself always clinging to hope.
Hope that things will get better.
Hope that one day I will one day have the vitality and good health that I yearn to have again.
Hope that one day all the bills I owe will be paid.
Hope that one day that all the love I carry will make its way to the special folks in my life.
Hope that one day, some how, some way I will fulfill the dreams I carry inside of me.
Hope.  There is always Hope.

All of our Hopes and Dreams are Within Reach if we only

 BELIEVE.

Why Imaginary?

But why must it be an Imaginary world?

Why can we not create a world

where happiness prevails

that is real and true and genuine?

It can be done, you know.

We can create

a world of happiness

to encompass and surround

and hold us close

all we have to do

to make it happen, to bring

the reality of happiness

into our world

is to

I Do,

Do You?

The Setting Sun

How do you do this? 

How do you make the sunset appear so majestically across the western sky like this? 

How is it that when I try so hard not to be drawn to the beauty,

the very depth of splendor that unveils before my very eyes

 that I cannot bear to keep from watching? 

There is something so beautiful,

so serene, so ethereal about the setting sun

at the end of the day.

All I know is that the Beauty I see

calls to me

and I feel compelled to capture

it whenever I can.

Dear Universe/Dear God Above,

if ever you hear my prayer,

hear it now:

I need your majestic grace, your beauty, your splendor

to adorn my life

I need to know, to feel, to see

that wherever I am going

whatever I am doing

however I am living

always, always, always

you will give to me

the beauty and grace and splendor

of your setting sun.

I cannot bear the thought

of not getting to watch

the sun going down

in the western sky.

Always it is such a display

a work of art

and magnificence

that captures my heart

and makes me know

that I am so insignificant

in the huge scheme of things.

Sunsets are Nature's promise

of another day done

and sunrises

are a promise

of a wonderful day to come!

Early Morning Sunrise

Dear Life,

Here I am trying to figure you out.  Every single day I devote much of my time doing my best to "get" you, to understand you, to know you and all of  your most intimate intricacies and still, I am here wondering when.  When will I ever truly understand?  When will I ever fully comprehend why you throw such craziness into my path, why do you insist on making me feel so frail and small on some days and then on other days you build me up, make me feel that I can conquer anything, accomplish anything?

What is it you want from me, dear Life?  I thought if I gave my heart, loved with passion, lived with passion that you would always help me to understand and to know just what all I am supposed to understand and to know.  But sometimes--even though I am mid-way through my 5th decade with you, I still do not feel that I have the grasp that I should.  What gives?

Oh, don't worry--I won't give up on you.  (Not yet, anyway).  There is far too much about you that I have still yet to explore, to see and do and to experience.  I'm not about to cut you loose until I GET YOU and UNDERSTAND and COMPREHEND all that I feel so compelled to get, understand and comprehend. 

And yes, I've heard tell that you can be a bitch, that you can be rough and that you can be hard--but I also know and have seen with my very own eyes that you can be kind, loving, awesome, wondrous and exciting and fun.  So, don't think that just because I'm a bit confused about you and that I'm still trying to figure you out, that I'm giving up.  I refuse to give up on you, dear Life.  You're stuck with me until you decide that you are DONE with ME, got it? 

I think that just about says it, huh????????

Remember Honeysuckle vine?

Oh the days gone by!  I remember when so long ago--the only truly FREE candy of spring and summer when I was a child was that of the Honeyscuckle vine.  What a delight it was to be out in the woods, on just in someone's backyard and discover this awesomely fragrant vine of honeyscuckle blooms!  My sisters and I would spend untold time picking the blooms, sucking the wonderful nectar out of the stems.  Such beautiful, simply awesome memories of my youth.

Who on earth does not absolutely love Honeysuckle?  Only someone who has a cold and indifferent heart, perhaps?

The gift
of nature--
to those who so young,
so free at heart
so poor in monetary means,
but oh so rich
in the discovery of
the beauty and richness
of the honeyscuckle vine.
Endless moments shared--
tasting the sweet nectar
hidden within the tiny stems--
the delight on our faces
(and on our tongues!)
as we sipped and sucked
to our hearts content.

Ahhhh....
the honeysuckle vine--
another of natures'
most beautiful gifts
to the very young,
the middle aged
and yes, even
those who have grown
old and gray.

Even now
whenever I find
a honeyscuckle vine
it brings back to me
my youth
my joy
my freedom
my delight
in nature's gifts.

So blessed.
So very, very blessed.
Wow.
Honeysuckle Vine!
#

Just A Fleeting Wish...

Sometimes I wish I could find a home away from the city.  Just find me a place out just enough that I don't hear the traffic, the sirens, the speeders, the craziness going by.  Every so often I long to just be surrounded by trees and grass and maybe even a gravel/dirt road.  I've never been one to ache for material things--never wanted the fancy cars or fancy homes, just a place to call my own.   A place as an anchor to come back to after traveling wherever I might want to go...

Yes, I do have a lovely home, but there are just times when I wish I could be free of the cityfied life I live and wish I could cocoon in a comfortable old house that embraces me and holds me close and needs my tender loving care. 

But sure as that wish would come true, I'm sure I'd be wishing for the city life again...Perhaps one day I'll have a city home and a country home and trade off between the two?  Yeah.  I kinda like that thought!  Hmmmm.....