Dreams...

But sometimes the night is nice too.  I love my dreams that come whenever I am asleep.  I never know who I might get to see there.

Last night it was my dad.

Loved seeing him again and being able to chat awhile.

He told me something--

said it was important.

"Olivia Post." he said with reverence.  "It's time to take your trash out to the curb."

"But dad--the container is only half full--it can wait til next time." was my reply.

"Oliva.  You need to get this trash out of here now.  Just do it.  You've always been an expert procrastinator.  So take care of it, then next week you can deal with other things instead of this." says my dad.

I sigh heavily.

"Fine! Just to please you, I'll take the damn trash out to the curb!" I say in a huff!

And he smiles and helps me.  Though the container is only half full, it weighs far more than I expected and my dad offers his help with a smile.  I gladly accept.  When the container is placed in its spot at the curb I look at dad and smile.  "Thanks, dad--not just for this, but for all of your help.  I do love you, you know."

"I know you do, Olivia.  I love you too.  Hey--I'm sorry I wasn't a better dad when I was alive.  I do miss you, you know." he says with a sad look on his face.

"I miss you too, daddy."  I reply.  Then, "Dad?  Am I going to be okay?   Should I stay here and stick this out or should I go?  I miss you and Mom so much!"

Dad replies:  "Stay now.  It's not your time yet--but when it is, your Mom and I are here.  We never ever forget you, Olivia.  You are precious.  Remember that."

"But I'm scared, dad." I implore--(why won't he hug me? I wonder).

"Don't be afraid.  You've got a lot to get done.  Getting the trash out was only the beginning.  Now go back in there and live your life and next time I see you, I want to hear all about what you've done.  I have to go now.  I love you.  Your Mom does too.  She'll drop by soon." says my dad.

I watch as he walks away.  Tears glide down my face.  Why didn't he stay?  So much I wanted to ask him, tell him, share with him.  But he left...again.

And then I woke up.

I do have alot to get done.  But the question is, will I have the stamina and courage and the drive to get it all done?  I sure hope so.

Loved seeing my dad in my dreams...

Hope

There is always hope.  Even on my darkest days, I find myself always clinging to hope.
Hope that things will get better.
Hope that one day I will one day have the vitality and good health that I yearn to have again.
Hope that one day all the bills I owe will be paid.
Hope that one day that all the love I carry will make its way to the special folks in my life.
Hope that one day, some how, some way I will fulfill the dreams I carry inside of me.
Hope.  There is always Hope.

All of our Hopes and Dreams are Within Reach if we only

 BELIEVE.

Why Imaginary?

But why must it be an Imaginary world?

Why can we not create a world

where happiness prevails

that is real and true and genuine?

It can be done, you know.

We can create

a world of happiness

to encompass and surround

and hold us close

all we have to do

to make it happen, to bring

the reality of happiness

into our world

is to

I Do,

Do You?

The Setting Sun

How do you do this? 

How do you make the sunset appear so majestically across the western sky like this? 

How is it that when I try so hard not to be drawn to the beauty,

the very depth of splendor that unveils before my very eyes

 that I cannot bear to keep from watching? 

There is something so beautiful,

so serene, so ethereal about the setting sun

at the end of the day.

All I know is that the Beauty I see

calls to me

and I feel compelled to capture

it whenever I can.

Dear Universe/Dear God Above,

if ever you hear my prayer,

hear it now:

I need your majestic grace, your beauty, your splendor

to adorn my life

I need to know, to feel, to see

that wherever I am going

whatever I am doing

however I am living

always, always, always

you will give to me

the beauty and grace and splendor

of your setting sun.

I cannot bear the thought

of not getting to watch

the sun going down

in the western sky.

Always it is such a display

a work of art

and magnificence

that captures my heart

and makes me know

that I am so insignificant

in the huge scheme of things.

Sunsets are Nature's promise

of another day done

and sunrises

are a promise

of a wonderful day to come!

Early Morning Sunrise

Dear Life,

Here I am trying to figure you out.  Every single day I devote much of my time doing my best to "get" you, to understand you, to know you and all of  your most intimate intricacies and still, I am here wondering when.  When will I ever truly understand?  When will I ever fully comprehend why you throw such craziness into my path, why do you insist on making me feel so frail and small on some days and then on other days you build me up, make me feel that I can conquer anything, accomplish anything?

What is it you want from me, dear Life?  I thought if I gave my heart, loved with passion, lived with passion that you would always help me to understand and to know just what all I am supposed to understand and to know.  But sometimes--even though I am mid-way through my 5th decade with you, I still do not feel that I have the grasp that I should.  What gives?

Oh, don't worry--I won't give up on you.  (Not yet, anyway).  There is far too much about you that I have still yet to explore, to see and do and to experience.  I'm not about to cut you loose until I GET YOU and UNDERSTAND and COMPREHEND all that I feel so compelled to get, understand and comprehend. 

And yes, I've heard tell that you can be a bitch, that you can be rough and that you can be hard--but I also know and have seen with my very own eyes that you can be kind, loving, awesome, wondrous and exciting and fun.  So, don't think that just because I'm a bit confused about you and that I'm still trying to figure you out, that I'm giving up.  I refuse to give up on you, dear Life.  You're stuck with me until you decide that you are DONE with ME, got it? 

I think that just about says it, huh????????

Remember Honeysuckle vine?

Oh the days gone by!  I remember when so long ago--the only truly FREE candy of spring and summer when I was a child was that of the Honeyscuckle vine.  What a delight it was to be out in the woods, on just in someone's backyard and discover this awesomely fragrant vine of honeyscuckle blooms!  My sisters and I would spend untold time picking the blooms, sucking the wonderful nectar out of the stems.  Such beautiful, simply awesome memories of my youth.

Who on earth does not absolutely love Honeysuckle?  Only someone who has a cold and indifferent heart, perhaps?

The gift
of nature--
to those who so young,
so free at heart
so poor in monetary means,
but oh so rich
in the discovery of
the beauty and richness
of the honeyscuckle vine.
Endless moments shared--
tasting the sweet nectar
hidden within the tiny stems--
the delight on our faces
(and on our tongues!)
as we sipped and sucked
to our hearts content.

Ahhhh....
the honeysuckle vine--
another of natures'
most beautiful gifts
to the very young,
the middle aged
and yes, even
those who have grown
old and gray.

Even now
whenever I find
a honeyscuckle vine
it brings back to me
my youth
my joy
my freedom
my delight
in nature's gifts.

So blessed.
So very, very blessed.
Wow.
Honeysuckle Vine!
#

Just A Fleeting Wish...

Sometimes I wish I could find a home away from the city.  Just find me a place out just enough that I don't hear the traffic, the sirens, the speeders, the craziness going by.  Every so often I long to just be surrounded by trees and grass and maybe even a gravel/dirt road.  I've never been one to ache for material things--never wanted the fancy cars or fancy homes, just a place to call my own.   A place as an anchor to come back to after traveling wherever I might want to go...

Yes, I do have a lovely home, but there are just times when I wish I could be free of the cityfied life I live and wish I could cocoon in a comfortable old house that embraces me and holds me close and needs my tender loving care. 

But sure as that wish would come true, I'm sure I'd be wishing for the city life again...Perhaps one day I'll have a city home and a country home and trade off between the two?  Yeah.  I kinda like that thought!  Hmmmm.....